I recently stumbled upon this article and just had to share it with all of you. In today's world, it's no secret that our kids get exposed to many scary things. The original article by Tamar Chansky, Ph.D. on Psychology Today and it gave me some fantastic insights into how we can talk to our children about crises and world events.
Here are the things to keep in mind when talking to your kids and teens about tough topics:
1) Keep Discussions Age-Appropriate
Tailor your conversations to the child's age and maturity level. Younger children need more straightforward explanations, while older children can handle more complex discussions.
For a Five-year-old, address questions honestly and thoroughly and do not offer information they haven't asked for. Suppose conversations get too intense or you need more confidence in your answer. In that case, you can always be honest and state - "that is a great question, and I want to give you a good answer, but I can't right now. Can I have a day to research and think about this? Have an answer ready when they ask again.
A teenager may push a discussion further, but it is okay to say they are not ready for the answer if you feel it will harm them. Be honest; tell them that. Ask them to come back with you in a certain amount of time, and make sure they know they can tell you anything they hear from their friends to fact-check and talk through.
2) Provide Reassurance
Children often fear for their safety during crises. Offer reassurance by emphasizing the presence of caring adults and the measures in place to keep them safe.
If my kids seem anxious, I always point out the "Safe People" and discuss what they must do in certain situations. For example, on our trips to Disney World, my anxious child feared what would happen if we got separated. I showed him photos of what cast members would be wearing and told him what to say. I ensure that he knows my phone number and that if he is looking for us, we are also looking for him! Knowing what to do in a scary situation can give kids some sense of control and reassure them that they will be okay.
3) Utilize Active Listening Skills
Encourage children to share their thoughts and feelings. Listen actively, validate their emotions, and avoid dismissing their concerns. I found a great article on active listening if you'd like some tips!
Some things I am sure to do when having a difficult conversation with my kids are:
Put my phone away - far away - so I'm not tempted to check the time or any notifications.
Take a drive - sometimes, eye contact can make my kids uncomfortable; I've found that the car can be a good equalizer. We'll go grab a slushie or just a scenic drive.
Put music on (not the TV) so silence isn't so awkward. After several minutes of silence, I'll ask if they are ready to talk more.
I restate what they've said to ensure I understand it exactly as they've intended.
4) Always be Honest and Accurate
Be honest in your responses, but use language suitable for their age. Correct any misinformation they might have picked up.
Okay, so this is a funny one for me. Two of my children are adopted, and one we were blessed with via fertility treatments. When they asked at inopportune times when they were young about where they came from - I would say you came to me through our case worker and doctor. That was enough for them at ages 3, 4, and 5 - short, honest, accurate, and I didn't go further until they asked follow up questions. Now that they are teenagers, the conversation has gone more in-depth - but that answer sufficed for a bit!
5) Limit Exposure
Shield children from excessive exposure to distressing news or images. Monitor their media consumption and consider family guidelines.
With everything happening today, we have taken media "breaks." Sometimes there is no media, sometimes I tell them they can watch a particular favorite show for a weekend, and sometimes I will let them watch YouTube - but they cannot let the auto-play roll. They can only watch creators I know and have okayed.
6) Create a Safe Space
Ensure children feel comfortable asking questions and expressing emotions. Avoid reacting with shock or anger to their queries.
7) Encourage Empathy
Discuss the importance of empathy and understanding for different perspectives, fostering emotional intelligence.
Media can be a great tool to use for this. Find an applicable movie or TV show episode on a topic; it's even better if it's a character they can relate to. You can also google Social Stories on whatever topic you are looking for.
I've tried to pull out the highlights from the article, but I am no Ph.D., and there's plenty more over at Psychology Today, I encourage you to check out the original article!
I'd love to hear your thoughts on these tips and any other ideas you have. Let's keep this conversation going in the comments below. After all, we're all in this parenting adventure together!
Comments